Manage your Conflicts & Use it to Leverage Team Collaborations
Conflict (noun) is a situation in which people, groups or countries disagree strongly or are involved in serious argument (based on Oxford Learner Dictionary).
Conflict is something that we faced often, whether in our personal life or in working life.
As a Scrum Master or Agile Coach, conflict management / resolution is one of mandatory soft-skill that you must have (in my personal opinion).
In this article, I will share how you can make advantage using conflict to make you and your team collaborate even better.
Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model
One method that we can try is using Thomas-Kilmann conflict model. Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann develop this framework and create Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) in 1974. Let me start by explaining about it.
Thomas-Kilmann model using two “dimensions” approaches for conflict behaviour. The individual may choose to be either assertive or cooperative in their approach :
- Assertiveness is the degree to which you try to satisfy your own needs
- Cooperativeness is the degree to which you try to satisfy the other person’s concerns
Based on this two dimensions, there are 5 conflict resolution strategies :
AVOIDING — Low Assertiveness & Low Cooperativeness
People use this conflict management strategy when they know that they don’t have any authority over the other person. Instead, they avoid confrontation by ignoring or avoiding the conflict entirely.
By doing so, you won’t have to deal with the problem, which will give you peace of mind. However, avoiding does not resolve the conflict. On the downside, it just buries it below the surface and may potentially lead to future conflicts.
COMPETING — High Assertiveness & Low Cooperativeness
We use competing as a conflict resolution strategy whenever we resort to being aggressive. In addition, we also get uncooperative with our counterpart.
This mode may be more appropriate when we need speedy resolution and we are a higher position of power. However, this strategy has some drawbacks.
- Usually leads to negative emotions such as anger, frustration, aggression and hostility.
- Build bad relationships because you don’t listen to what others say.
- Might result in losing opportunities because the other party doesn’t want to work with you anymore.
ACCOMMODATING — Low Assertiveness & High Cooperativeness
The idea behind this approach is to make concessions. For example, if one person makes a request, you agree to do what the first person requested instead of arguing about the matter. We sacrifice our own stance to make the other party happy.
It’s an effective way to manage conflict when you lack power. But be careful — by making concessions, you may start to lose control over your own agenda
COMPROMISING — Mid Assertiveness & Mid Cooperativeness
If you compromise, you take the middle road between opposing views. This means agreeing to specific terms and giving up on certain other items. And since you’re trying to resolve a disagreement, it’s important that you show flexibility.
So it is a mixed win for all. However, some party may get a resolution closer to their expectations while it could be a greater compromise for the other.
COLLABORATING — High Assertiveness & High Cooperativeness
We use collaborating mode of conflict resolution when we are on the same page as the opposing party. It’s an ideal choice if both parties are committed to reaching a mutual agreement. The goal here is to reach an agreement with each other.
But remember: collaboration isn’t always easy. It requires sharing personal opinions and feelings. It also needs two people who trust each other and value working together.
Which STRATEGY is the Best?
There is no right or wrong answer for this question, it depends on the situation & certain factors like urgency of the problem, priority of resolving the conflict and relationship with the opposing party.
HOW can Thomas-Kilmann model can help to leverage conflicts?
The steps that I’ve used whether in my personal life or work life on how I can leverage conflict :
- Assess your current conflict & how you react or response to it
- Map the result on to which Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Strategy
- Think about how you can move the conflict into better strategy (example : from Accommodating to Collaborating)
- Discuss with your counterpart the solution that you offered and also listen to his/her solution. Find a common ground on how the solution can be win-win solution for both of you
The Story of 2 Chefs & 1 Lemon
To help you get better understanding on how we can use Thomas-Kilmann model, I would like to share about the story of 2 chefs & 1 lemon :
Once upon a time in some fine dining restaurant near their closing time, there are 2 customers who ordered 2 different meals that needs lemon as the ingredients. Unfortunately only 1 lemon left in the kitchen, there were two chefs who began arguing over the last available lemon.
Using this scenario, we can try to implement Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model on how the chefs react :
- Avoiding : Both chefs avoiding the conflict, nobody gets the lemon. So they will inform the customers that the kitchen ran out of lemon, so the customers need to change their orders (Lose-Lose situation).
- Competing & Accommodating : Only 1 chef will get the lemon, while the other chef can’t serve the dish (Win-Lose / Lose-Win Situation).
- Compromising : Both chefs will split the lemon equally, so each chef get half of the lemon. They can serve both dishes, but most likely the result will not be 100% (Win Some-Lose Some Situation).
- Collaborating : After both chef have some discussion, it turns out that they don’t need the whole part of the lemon. Chef 1 only need lemon juice, while Chef 2 need lemon zest. By having conversation, both chef can collaborate each other & get optimal result for their dishes (Win-Win Situation).
Closure
The word ‘conflict’ has a natural negative association of battling, shouting, blaming and arguing. This makes conflict seem like something to be avoided at all costs. However, conflict has a very positive side of debating, questioning and challenging the status quo.
If conflict is viewed as a simple incompatibility of concerns, then it is a rational matter of choosing an approach in a given situation. So we can control conflict through our choice of approach.
The great thing about the Thomas-Kilmann model is that it states that conflict handling modes are developable and not fixed. Through awareness and focus it is a dynamic and flexible model.
To support & strengthen this article, I also refer to Patrick Lencioni’s 5 Dysfunction of Team. Where “Fear of Conflict” is one of the Team Dysfunction which can lead to avoiding conflict, not speaking up, not discussing real issue that lead to Artificial Harmony.
